Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Night Twenty-One: In Which I Clone Myself & Attend An Unorthodox Funeral

1) I am with a female friend. We are shopping in the clearance section of a clothing store. I try on a pair of overall shorts and they fit perfectly, except my butt is pretty much hanging out of them Britney Spears-style so I put them back on the rack. We somehow (and this part is extremely glossed over) manage to create clones of ourselves. (Mine resembles the adult version of Dren from Splice). I try to teach mine to speak and she learns a bit, but not nearly enough to go out and socialize in public. She is often a bit stubborn and immature. We share a bed, and one night when I try to climb in she is taking up the entire bed and refuses to move. I begin to become slightly uncomfortable with the whole thing and consider my options of getting rid of her, but know that it wouldn't be right. One day I realize I haven't seen my friend's clone in a while and ask whatever became of her. I get a sketchy excuse and suspect something unsavory.

2) I call Dunkin' Donuts and attempt to place an order. They tell me they'll be closed in about fifteen minutes for a funeral, which I then realize I have to attend. It is for a girl my age. As I enter, I notice that the tub of water for baptisms is awfully cloudy and murky. I sit down and pull out a bag of sour gummi worms and begin eating them as the service progresses, while wondering if it's a rude thing to do. I then notice a young boy who is eating sunflower seeds and feel a bit better. The brother of the deceased and his fiancee get up to perform a dance to (mourn the dead or celebrate their engagement, I'm not sure which). I notice the boy left his bag of sunflower seeds on the ground and they have spilled all over the aisle where the couple is dancing. As the dance becomes more intense, they end up rolling around in the seeds and making a huge mess. They soon don Transformers costumes and perform a choreographed dance "fight". It is really rather well done and exciting to watch, albeit not typical or necessarily appropriate funeral proceedings.

2) I am riding on a bus, except that I am actually laying face-down on a sort of gurney. A morbidly obese man sitting behind me unabashedly grabs at my ass. I turn around and tell him off and he claims it was "only a joke". I tell the busdriver what happened and he orders the man to leave.

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